"Do I dazzle you?" Edward, Twilight, ch. 8, p.168

"Maybe...he's...not so...awful, after all. And...he DOES...smell pretty good."
"Also? We have matching eyebrows."

"I asked Jane to do that to me once—just out of curiosity." - Aro, New Moon, ch. 21 p. 476

"You call THAT a magic wand?"

"No blood, no foul." - Edward, Twilight, ch. 3, p.61

"Honey, see? He's a CHILD. He's shorter than you by like, six inches. He doesn't even need to SHAVE, for Pete's sake. Of course, neither do you...um...Edward, darling, will you please relax?"

"Apparently there’s nothing interesting for you to do at night besides study." - Emmett, Breaking Dawn, ch. 25, p.491

Anyway, it was a long and lonely morning yesterday for one certain Flat Boy, without me and the babies. But I certainly didn't expect to come home to this shocking sight:

"Edward, love," I gently explained. "You're BETTER than Harry Potter. A bajillion times better. I mean, yes, he's smart and he's a wizard, and he does have Ginny, but, darling E, YOU have millions of thirteen-year-old girls and their (mumblemumble pathetic, sad losermumble) mothers in thrall to you."

He fixed me with a stony glare. (Ha! See how I did that?)
"WHAT," he growled, "was that middle part?"

I blushed, knowing he was watching the blood flow from my neck up to my hairline. "Erm, nothing. Nothing at all!" I insisted. "Not a thing! Just, um, clearing my throat!" Then I straightened his cape and said brightly, "I know! Why don't I go get my eyeliner and I'll draw a scar on you?"

*********
Why do I feel compelled to have Flat E speak in a snotty French accent a la Inspector Clouseau? Because, no doubt, Edward speaks impeccable French, with a perfect Parisian accent.

"I was undeniably a nightmare, a monster of the grisliest kind." - Jasper, Eclipse, ch. 13. p. 300

Edward is very disappointed that the pouring rain - while perfect for real-life vampires- precludes cardboard cutouts from venturing out. It means he will not be accompanying us to playdate. He is going to have to stay home where it's warm and dry, and -- knit?

Hey, a bored vampire's gotta do what a bored vampire's gotta do.
Plus, that scarf may never be finished if it's up to me...it's certainly in the Cullen color palette...don't laugh, he may only be a cardboard vampire, but he's got feelings too, you know.

"I'm not running anywhere." - Bella, Twilight, ch. 16, p. 40

"You want me to do WHAT? You want me to go out in that sunlight and sparkle all over the place and dazzle your friends, just so we can watch people RUNNING? For FUN? Nah-uh. I don't think so. You go. Go on. Maybe if it gets rainy, I'll come out later and catch up with you. Yeah, go, enjoy your mimosas. Besides, if *I* could have gotten into the marathon I'd have beaten them all, even those Kenyans. It's hard for me to get too worked up, I mean, c'mon, a 7:30 mile? That's soooooo slow. 'As if they could outrun ME!'"

"Badly...as in, I become the meal." - Bella Swan

I wonder if Flat E would babysit?
Or would he be tempted to have the children for midnight snack?
I have often commented on how DELICIOUS the baby's chubby thighs are...



Also, just a thought: would photoediting software remove the red-eye from man-eating vampires? Inquiring minds want to know...